learning to be content in singleness

I’m a relationship girl. I love having a boyfriend and having someone to dote after and go on dates with, and having someone to talk on the phone to all night. I love buying Valentines Day gifts and taking cute couple selfies too. And for so long, being a great girlfriend was kind of my thing.

When I broke up with my last boyfriend, it was a hard transition, of course. In that time God was really pruning me and showing me things I had to change about myself and improve upon. I clearly heard him telling me that I was not to get into another relationship any time soon. But. to be completely honest, I was annoyed when he told me that. It wasn’t like I was going to go jump into another relationship immediately, but I sure hadn’t planned on sitting around and being single for a long time either. I at least wanted to meet some people for no reason other than to get my mind off my ex. It wasn’t helpful that some people I talked to about the breakup kept encouraging me to just find another man to distract me.

While I knew that this wasn’t exactly sound advice, and that it was coming from broken people, it sounded like the best option I had heard. So, when God came to me cancelling that notion, I felt helpless.

Looking back now, I'm so glad he came through and made me learn the hard way. I’m glad I didn’t find another relationship to jump into. I’m glad I listened.

He used that time to teach me how to be content in my singleness and fill my life with other things. Part of me wanted to give you a step by step on how to be content in your singleness, but if I’m being honest, I’m still mastering this everyday. I’m definitely getting better but I have my struggle days.

So instead of giving you sure-fire tips, I’ll tell you what works for me.

Read the bible.

Specifically, search for things surrounding singleness and single women in the bible. Look at what they did in their free time and decide what you can fill your life with in replacement of a man or idolizing a relationship. Study those women and see what worked for them and what made them strong in those seasons.

Figure out what you really want in a relationship.

While you’re single, it’s easy to harp on your last relationship and what went wrong and how much you miss them. I get that, but you’ve gotta look forward and get to know yourself well enough to know what you want out of your next relationship. I like to keep a running list of qualities that are important to me. When you’re single, your head is clear and it’s easier to build an idea of what you want while there’s not someone right in front of you to sway your thoughts.

Try not to think about it.

That first Valentines Day after my breakup, I was sick all day that I didn’t have flowers to smell or a hot date to get ready for that night. I realized soon after that I wasted so much time feeling sorry for myself when I could have been spending time enjoying my singleness. When thoughts of loneliness try to creep in, replace them with other thoughts.

Start dating again once you’re really ready, not when you’re no longer lonely. And when you do start dating, be cautious, remember what you want, and go slow.

This is your chance to be selfish.

Work on your education. Create a brand. Start a business or a nonprofit. Serve in your community. TRAVEL. Work out. Sleep in. Go to the spa. Do your thing, sis. This is one of the only times in your life that you'll be able to be selfish unapologetically. Take this opportunity while you can.

Go and be great, y’all, and let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear about your journey to being content in your singleness. Comment your tips and stories below.

Peace, love, and soul